identity | Life After Web

Shining

Thursday, December 2, 2010 at 8:35 am (thoughts)
Tags: identity

Yesterday while supporting others wishes, I came across this post at Dashboard Hula by Shari Sherman. There were so many things about this post that resonated with me.

First, her name is Shari. No matter the spelling, I’m always excited to find kindred Sherri’s out there. I love my name. It has always felt magical, though I can’t pinpoint exactly why.

Moreso though, was her mermaid artwork (click through to her post to see it). She created a beautiful mermaid with lots of green and hints of pink (my two favorite colors) and adorned her with the message “Let your light shine.”

Perfect. Just perfect! I’ve been working on letting my light shine. I decided to make my theme word “shine” earlier this year as a reminder to be myself. Not to try to emulate anyone else, but just to let the real me shine for the world to see. I even got myself a purse and emblazoned it with the word “shine” to keep the message fresh in my mind. (Yes, it’s from Thirty-One because I’m a little obsessed with their awesomeness. It’s called the Demi Purse: $29 with multiple print choices. Add embroidery for $6. You can find it on my Thirty-One site or email me at lifeafterweb at gmail dot com for more info.)

My "shine" purse

Finally, I liked that Shari identified herself as a turtle person and is learning to work with that essence of herself, rather than try to fight it to be something else. I think learning to be ourselves and work with our strengths is one of the best things we can do for ourselves.

Thankful

Continuing my effort to return to daily gratitudes, today I am thankful for my friend’s baby born Tuesday morning, his health, and hers as well. I am thankful that though I am unable to visit her since she is in a different state, I have another friend who did go visit her and report back to me on the cuteness and well-being of both baby and new mom.

Me Without Apologies

Thursday, May 6, 2010 at 8:50 am (fun, life, thoughts)
Tags: identity

My birthday self-portrait

Today is my 33rd birthday. I love my birthday, not because of presents or attention (not that those hurt), but because it is the one day a year I feel absolutely guilt free about how I spend my time. It is the ultimate day to be me, without apologies.

Being my genuine, authentic self has been forefront in my mind in the last few years. I’m learning not to care what others may think. I’m learning that sometimes I think people think worse of me than they actually do. In the past I’ve let that fear dictate my actions, but over the past few years I’ve tried to let all of those thoughts go.

It’s not easy. I still get caught up in worry and fear. I believe, though, that being genuine is worth it. Only by doing so can I be me without apologies everyday.

So what’s on my agenda today? First, it was to take a self-portrait. I took the one you see here in my backyard this morning.

Next up, pedicure followed by shopping for my garden stuff (veggies! flowers! herbs!). This afternoon I’ll be at the hairdresser getting my pink stripe. Something tells me another birthday self-portrait will be coming.

The universe must have known it was my birthday because we got a call this morning that my stepson’s baseball practice scheduled for tonight has been canceled. Yay! That means we can all hang out and have fun tonight.

My husband is going to grill steaks and make smoothies. My mother-in-law is going to make one of my favorite salads and a chocolate cake. (Chocolate cake with chocolate icing was my first request upon being asked what I wanted for my birthday dinner. Actually it was my second and third requests, too.)

My mother-in-law said, “So we’ll make the cake. Do you have a cake pan?”

Oh yes. I have a cake a pan. A glorious butterfly shaped cake pan that my beautiful friend Alina gave me for Christmas.

There will be chocolate butterfly cake. Awesome!

In the words of Big & Rich, “Today is even better than yesterday. Everything is going my way. I’m living in the big time.”

3 Comments

Guiding Values

Monday, April 26, 2010 at 9:21 am (life, thoughts)
Tags: identity, values

I’ve struggled to find my right path for a long time. I’m pretty good at recognizing paths that are laid out for us- first do x, then y, then you’ll get z.

I’m also pretty good at recognizing when something doesn’t feel right or when I don’t enjoy something I’m doing. The piece I’ve been missing is what I want to be doing.

It’s really tough to feel like you’re wandering around without a purpose. How do you know if you are on the right path?

With some help from Jamie, I now know how to recognize if I’m on the right path. She encouraged me to come up with a list of my 10 most important values and even helped get me started by giving me a nice long list of words that were coming to mind as she listened to me.

From there I whittled down the list, added, subtracted, and massaged until I came up with words that felt right. They are:

Life
Genuineness (or authenticity, as some would say)
Ease
Positive energy
Comfort
Creativity
Connection
Understanding
Action
Kindness

I’ve let these values sit with me for a month now, checking them from time to time, reminding myself what’s on the list, and paying attention to how I feel when I think about my values.

This list is my compass. I now use it as sort of an answer sheet to compare my daily activities. How many of my values are present in my work? Have I employed these values in my home and family? Which values do I feel are most lacking? Which ones are right on target?

Then the big question: can I make any adjustments in my life to better align with my values?

All of these years I’ve felt like I lacked direction because I couldn’t say with certainty what career trajectory to follow. Now I still can’t say I have a career trajectory, yet I have a path. Besides, careers are just a part of life, not all of it.

Now I have a direction because I’m moving toward my values. I’m moving toward kindness, comfort, connection, and understanding. I’m staying genuine to myself, creating my own positive energy, and enjoying life.

I’m walking in the dark with a flashlight, but I have a flashlight and it shows me just what I need to see right now.

What are your core values? Are you living them?

Being Genuine

Monday, April 19, 2010 at 11:55 am (life)
Tags: identity

Throughout my life I’ve wished I were like other people I knew. Sometimes I wanted to be that girl in school who knew how to dress cool, or the one who could find the symbolism in the book from English class.

Later I would want to be the one who could dance gracefully. Then I’d want to be those people who knew exactly what path to follow in college to get to their already selected ideal career.

In the work world I wanted to be the marketing manager I knew, followed by the professional corporate climber, followed by the geeky web guru, and then the online editor who knew how to talk to anyone and everyone and make an impressive job come out of those conversations.

In the blog world, I wanted to be a joy rebel like Brandi, a silly but smart business woman like Havi, an exuberant artist like Connie, or any of the other wonderful bloggesses I’ve encountered who have a topic and know how to rock it.

The thing is, I’ve learned that I never actually wanted to be any of these people. What I wanted was to be as genuine as they were. I wanted to know what my topic was and be as passionate about my own thing as they were about theirs.

I wanted to feel as secure in myself as all of them appeared to be. I wanted to say, “This is me! This is how I roll. Take it or leave it!”

Which is really hard to do when you haven’t identified your Thing (with a capital T, because Things are big).

Over the past year or so, I’ve settled in to the notion of my own authenticity. I’m certain I’ve stifled my genuine self because of my insecurities and my people-pleasing tendencies.

I may not have determined a Thing that is my subject of choice, but here is what I know for sure. I know that I am passionate about getting the most out of life. I know that I am amazingly selfish in wanting to spend my time doing what I want, when I want, and I don’t want to be constrained by “rules” about how I’m supposed to live.

I know I’m not perfect and I’ve made mistakes, big and small. I know that I want my goodness, not my mistakes (real or perceived) to define me.

And I know that above all else, I believe in kindness and I wish there were more of it in this world. I seek it out. I feed off of the good feelings that come from doing good deeds or hearing about others’ good deeds.

I don’t know yet where this all leads me, other than it leads me to live with my guiding values at my core. If I let myself go after life and kindness, everything will be as it is meant to be.

In case you missed it, Victoria wrote about Thing-finding on her blog last week. In it she says,

Finding your Thing is like walking at night with a flashlight. You can see only so far ahead of you. If you want to see farther away, you have to take at least one step forward. In other words, you’re going to have to step into something that interests you before you really know if it’s your Thing.

That was an aha! statement for me because that is what I am doing right now- walking at night with a flashlight. I can’t see what is on the long road ahead or where it ends, but I can see what is around me right now (my core values) and I will keep stepping into the light.

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Full Moon Dreamboard: More Than One Thing

Monday, March 29, 2010 at 9:37 am (fun, life)
Tags: creativity, dreamboards, identity

From time to time I make dreamboards (collages of inspiring images) as a way to recognize my soul’s desires. Plus, it’s just plain fun to cut up magazines and assemble a collage like we used to do in school.

That urge crept up in my yesterday, so I once again scoured a pile of magazines for the images that resonated within me.

From the time I was in high school, I have questioned my purpose in this life. What is the thing (often translated as “job”) that I am meant to do? Jamie recently challenged me by asking, “What if your thing isn’t a thing? What if it’s things plural?”

So I’ve been sitting with that thought for a while now and it feels comfortable. It means I don’t have to force myself into one area of expertise. I can love the web and writing and nature photography and anything else I choose.

Now rather than stressing out about what I should be focusing on, I can focus on enriching my life in a multitude of ways. No doing one thing at the expense of another.

My new dreamboard is now sitting on my desk awakening my creativity with its vibrant colors and a message to “Do more than one thing and do them well.”